It's the money honey

On one of the seedy websites that I belong to, a fellow compatriot of intellectual folly asked me to tell him something that you wouldn't tell your friends or family. And what came to mind was that I am horribly scared of not having money. And that I value material positions and I guess status more than many other things. Of course, that caused me to stir in a vat of self-loathing because of my shallow vanity. However, the more I thought about it the more I realized why it is my fear. I came from a good family where I was really not wanton for anything. Now flights to the Caribbean and G-5 planes was not in the budget, but we were always decent or better. I even had a car on my 16th birthday. So I have been blessed. In the last few years, I have ventured out and traveled some of the world and saw what people were like without money, with money and with nothing but dreams and passion. Right now I have nothing but dreams and passions. But, I want soo much. I want to travel. I want a nice car. I don't want to have to live where I want to live and not forced to live where I can afford. It's these things that are part of the dream. Which is sad to me because when i think of my goals in the future, they don't involve people ; at least not in the first tier. Of course I want people to be around and it would be nice to share my life with someone, but in reality i guess I am selfish and I want things for me. Or is it that I just want people to look at me and say he was successful. As if they can measure my value by dollar signs and quality of living. So now I don't know how to feel and I don't know if I should reevaluate my priorities.